Growing together in the couple relationship is naturally characterized by a dynamic and persistent interaction between two people who communicate on the basis of mutual knowledge. And it is precisely this aspect, that is the knowledge of the other the most critical and emblematic element of the life of two, which more and more often reserves to the components of the couple unpleasant surprises. In fact, we often think we know our partner deeply. Except then to discover with great disappointment that of this person with whom one may have lived for a long time, one had a rather superficial knowledge.
Especially if it (but sometimes both components are involved the couple) unconsciously or intentionally communicated and acted with the specific purpose of making known to their partner the best part of themselves. By deliberately hiding – in order not to appear vulnerable – that part of oneself that is not accepted or intentionally kept secret, or even unknown to oneself.
Such behavior could appear to be misleading towards the other, who would thus acquire partial and incomplete information on his interlocutor. Drawing a profile of a personality that is not true, not authentic and above all different from reality, as it is only partially corresponding to the person’s true relational and emotional characteristics.
Growing together, common sense rules for the couple
Give space to love
Always find the time and the way to say to your partner – I love you “. It may seem trivial, but it is very important to do it. Any way is fine (there are no limits to the imagination): a flower, a caress, a kind thought, a phone call, a surprise or small attentions that will make the person you love love is enough for you.
Growing together – Be consistent
Love must above all be demonstrated and not just declared. To behave in a coherent way is a strategy of crucial importance if we want to avoid creating contradictions between what is said in words and what is communicated with everyday facts and actions. Attention, telling your partner – I love you – and then not being present in important moments and in the decisions that count in the couple’s life, is tantamount to lying shamelessly.
Growing together – Communicate in an open and fair manner
in situations of divergence of opinions, it is important to calmly confront and listen calmly, respectfully and empathically, even the reasons and points of view of the other without any prejudice. If possible, do not allow more than 24 hours from the possible quarrel to try to solve the problem or overcome the conflict situation as soon as possible. It is also important to bear in mind that the contrasts and conflicts, which are absolutely normal in a couple, can represent a moment of reflection, of a greater knowledge of the other, of comparison, and therefore of growth and evolution of the couple. But they can also be transformed into a death trap for the couple’s relationship, which risks emptying out of feeling and being stifled by violent direct confrontations.
Growing together – Recognize your mistakes
It seems easy, but it is difficult, because recognizing that you are wrong requires humility, courage, but above all social and emotional intelligence. A socially competent and emotionally intelligent behavior provides for an infallible three-point strategy
a) recognize their mistakes in no uncertain terms;
b) sincerely apologize for the incident;
c) commit not to repeat the mistake made.
Learn to forgive
Love is also the ability to forgive. Forgiveness is an act of love that belongs to generous people. Those who can not forgive can not say that they truly know how to love. There are situations in which forgiveness, which in itself is difficult to grant, is the only way out, to be paid sometimes at a high price, but it is an investment that is always convenient if it is a question of true love.
Give up perfection
Remembering that nobody is perfect is a golden rule often forgotten, but if promptly observed, it can avoid unnecessary tensions, performance anxiety and stress in the couple. If we do not accept our partner’s limitations or tolerate his flaws and imperfections, we probably do not love him enough or perhaps we (and what is even worse) have a distorted and childish view of love.
We must learn to accept our own limits and those of others, and be able to be especially tolerant for what we do not like in us or in the person with whom we decided to share a project of life. It is certainly not easy, but it is proof of great maturity and good inner balance.
Making sense of us prevail
It seems trivial to say, but the couple is composed of two people with different needs, motivations, goals, interests, expectations and desires; and as long as in the couple personal interests and forms of selfishness prevail, one will not go very far on the difficult path of emotional growth, love and happiness. This goal, which every couple wants to achieve, is instead possible if the partners are both able to immediately create that magical sense of ourselves that is a deep feeling, based on sharing everything that creates and reinforces an emotional bond, and that goes constantly fed over time.