Resilient couples share their emotions without fear of expressing vulnerabilities. Trusts fear and hope, and they respond compassionately to the revelations of the other. Especially when they are under stress, couples must talk openly and rely on the other. Resilient couples use words, not clairvoyance, pose that extra question that can clarify what the partner is saying, rather than make suppositions. Often, quarrels and wounded feelings are the result of misunderstandings of others’ words, and hold back their reaction momentarily to say simply (sorry, I do not think I can understand, can you be clear on this point?) Can help to avoid negative feelings and useless to diverge.
One thing that often differentiates couples stronger than the weaker is their resilience, their ability to recover after a complicated situation. It’s easy to blur another when the relationship touches the bottom. But downloading the blows almost always leads to a counterattack that will ultimately lead to nothing. Resilient couples, on the contrary, look inside when things are not good and they wonder: What could I do differently in that situation? o What can I do now to forgive me? Instead of waiting for the other to stretch the hand or change its behavior, the most resilient partners are proactive when it comes to getting back on track. Taking the right path is more important than being right.
Everyday pressures and money-related responsibilities, children’s education and work often generate conflicts and tension. A characteristic sign of a resilient marriage is the inclination to laugh or to resort to humor to stop unsuccessful communications. For example, a couple realized that when quarrels tended to get worse, it was often helpful that one of them was willing to break the tension with a simple smile, widening their arms and exclaiming: Let us lose and embrace ourselves.
Resilient couples undertake to solve the problems
My favorite guide is thinking – You’re not the problem, I’m not the problem. The problem is the problem and together we can solve it. Here is the example of a couple: after ten unpleasant minutes of blurring due to a slight road accident and a penalty, both partners stepped back and admitted that they had contributed to the same degree by focusing on then on the bigger problem: they often do not pay attention to what’s happening around them because they are both multitasking.
Adversity can bring the partner worse. Some difficult trials, such as a betrayal, can cause a couple to be stuck in pain, preventing the relationship from going ahead. There are people who keep a mental list every time they have been injured by the partner. Then, when he tries hard, they do not just list the reasons for the most recent pain, but accumulate all the wrongs of the past. Resilient couples are able to concentrate their energies on ways to carry on the relationship rather than looking back.