Pain is used to learn something, we are used to hearing about pain as the time it takes to recover emotionally from the loss of a loved one. Usually, it is treated from this point of view, but perhaps we are not fully aware that we experience pain every day, perhaps less shocking but more frequent. In this way, we grow and mature by facing different losses and integrating the feelings they arouse in the history of our life.
Today we want to talk about a different type of pain, what we feel when a relationship ends with another person. A process in which we feel powerless, helpless, or unwilling to move forward, feelings that we also feel in other circumstances, such as the loss of a loved one.
Stages of relational pain
Each of us experiences relational pain in our way. This suffering is not the same if one of the two decides to end the relationship, if one of the two has betrayed or if the decision is common. In general, we can speak of distinct phases of pain that we usually go through with greater or lesser intensity.
When love ends, our emotions generate a shield of protection against pain, in other words, we deny what happened. We don’t accept what happened, we just think that something is not going as it should. Encapsulation does not allow us to perceive reality objectively.
As we begin to be more aware of what has happened, the shield gives way to battle, an inner and personal struggle made of anger and anger. What used to be wrong now is inexplicable and questions like:
What have I done wrong?
How could he do this to me?
Maybe I made the wrong decision, etc.
At this moment, we begin to assimilate our reasonings and to miss the idealized person, and the sadness associated with the breakup begins. The inner battle is over, there is nothing to fight against. The feeling of emotional pain will be stronger than in the other phases, but will only serve to move on to the next phase.
After sadness, life begins to regain meaning. The other person exists and we are aware of it, but we do not suffer from it. It is an objective truth which we know to be immutable and which is therefore no longer a problem. We begin to remember the people who love us and who have transmitted their affection to us more than ever. We accept that the situation has now improved and we are ready for the last phase.
At this stage the best comes, we look back and understand that we only have to learn. A set of situations that we have lived together and that have given us a new self (ego) new qualities. Suddenly we are aware that what happened has not been destructive, on the contrary, we are wiser people and we wish our ex only good things because he is not an enemy, but an old companion in the journey of life.
In the end, life does not stop being a path in which we learn to face what happens to us however difficult it is in the best possible way. Everything has two faces and at least one of them is beautiful.
This post was published on May 29, 2020 8:10 pm