Category: Personal Growth

  • White Knight Syndrome Compulsive Need To Help

    White Knight Syndrome indicates those people who feel an almost compulsive need to save others, help them and solve their problems. This attitude can be traced back to abandonment, trauma, and unrequited effects. To this, we owe the intense ability to get in tune with the pain of others. And this even if the help they offer is not always required.

    Most of us know at least one person who tries to help others, someone who instead of the heart seems to have a radar with which to detect the needs of others. Sometimes, as we well know, that help can lead to intrusiveness. It can even make you feel uncomfortable or deny you the opportunity to be responsible and solver of your problems.

    Other times, however, we are grateful to that sincere and always devoted altruism. However, we do not see the background of these dynamics, of this need. White Knight Syndrome describes part of the population made up of invisible individuals, profiles that hide emotional wounds and emotional knots that have never really been unraveled.

    Characteristics of white knight syndrome

    In fairy tales, the rider on the white horse is the one who saves the girl in danger. In real life, this folklore figure can be a man or a woman and his highest aspiration is to engage in love relationships with wounded or vulnerable people. This bond will allow him to feel useful, to heal the other, to reaffirm himself, and make his partner stronger.

    But wounded people rarely manage to heal, often their wound grows, and they become the mirror on whichever greater trauma and suffering are reflected. They are frustrating attempts at redemption, which cause inevitable unhappiness. Here is what lies behind White Knight Syndrome and the following explains this behavior.

    White Knight Syndrome triggering causes

    A past made up of abuse, authoritarian parents, or the lack of a healthy and loving bond during childhood, are the factors that most often give rise to this syndrome. Having lived through different experiences of abandonment both at the family level and on the part of the partner is usually a trigger.

    Characteristics of the white knight

    The rider is moved by the fear of feeling that emotional distance again, of being hurt, betrayed, and abandoned. These are particularly fragile people, with a high tendency to frustration, to feel offended or disappointed by often insignificant actions. They manifest low self-esteem and great insecurity.

    They have little empathy, they cannot distinguish the emotional reality of others from their own, and here they are often subject to emotional contagions. They do not know how to set limits and therefore identify themselves in those who suffer, in those who are worried or frightened, but often with their attitude they intensify the suffering of others.

    They tend to build highly dependent love relationships. They want to be everything for the other person. They try to be that fundamental support, that source of daily nourishment, and that other indispensable half. Such a situation ends up resulting in unhappiness and a high emotional cost for both parties.

    There is only one way to heal from White Knight Syndrome, by saving yourself first. Facing the most difficult journey of all, the one in which you have to face your own inner world, your own demons to understand and defeat them so as to illuminate the darkest corners.

    Finally, he will have to make the bravest gesture of all for a white knight, ask for help from others, turn to an experienced professional.

    This syndrome was described in 2015 by the psychologists and professors of the University of Berkeley Mary C. Lamia and Marilyn J. Krieger.

  • Being a prisoner of oneself is the worst slavery

    Being a prisoner of oneself means losing one of the main functions of human existence – empathy. A self-centered person, as opposed to an empathic person, always talks about himself. Of his thoughts, with no real interest in the inner world of the other.

    When she is alone, she says she feels abandoned, experiencing strong states of anxiety, for the simple reason that she does not know how to decentralize herself from her ego.

    And it is precisely for this reason that a person who is a prisoner of himself does not know how to listen to the messages of growth that are proposed to him by those who want to help him get out of her condition of suffering. Sometimes, those who suffer from self-centeredness alternate between hot and cold moments.

    There are days when she addresses a person as if he is her best friend and others when she treats him badly by accusing him of being mean or untruthful. Remaining self-centered means living in a constant state of emotional suffering, loneliness, and self-destructiveness, with highly inconsistent behavior.

    It is evident that behind this condition there is a history of adolescent childhood growth marked by states of suffering. But it is also true that a painful past does not have the last word on an individual’s freedom of choice to take over the reins of her existence.

    We humans were not born to be prisoners but to become free men and women inside and outside of us. Freedom is a conquest that passes through truth and love. And it is up to us to decide to take this path.

    One remains a prisoner of oneself when one does not have the humility to ask for help. Or when, while asking for help, one does not have the deep will to heal, self-pitying for the abuse or mistreatment suffered. The greatest risk is to think only of your own pain, eliminating that of others.

    The truth is, we all suffer on this earth. There is no human being who can tell a story of only love, encouragement, tenderness, sincerity, and encouragement. When you are a prisoner of yourself all that matters is to receive attention on yourself. This condition leads to losing sight of the presence of the other person, his needs, his desires, his feelings.

    This condition is so serious that a parent can lose sight of a child, a spouse, his partner, a sister, his brother. When one is a prisoner of oneself one inevitably becomes selfish, in the sense that the whole world revolves around the tyrannical demands of one’s wounded ego. It is from this condition that the main forms of human dependence arise.

  • The individual who knows themselves knows where to go

    The individual who knows himself knows where to go. We are all committed to the journey of life. In one way or another, we have to make decisions and take responsibility. If we decide not to decide, it means that we have decided to let ourselves be carried away by events, like a ship without a captain and a route to follow.

    During the journey of growth, one should acquire greater self-awareness and give shape to the psycho-existential dimension which includes outlining a clear plan of life. If the individual does not have desires and aspirations to achieve, he falls into existential emptiness, into mental laziness, into the immobility of enterprise.

    I remember clearly all my years in which I was spinning in circles, like a crazy top that crashes all over the place without ever following a precise direction. Living without a purpose is to fall into the abyss of daily anguish, it is to feel a sense of estrangement from oneself that generates an invasive and profound malaise. It is like being in a tunnel, feeling suffocated and not finding the way out.

    An arrow without a bow is useless. An arrow with a bow but without a target can be thrown in the wrong direction and cause damage. This is why it is important to know yourself and work to get in touch with the intimate feeling area.

    Not knowing can generate the desire to rely on the first support that is found in order to feel alive. The feeling of not existing is a source of countless dysfunctional behaviors. To get out of the dark forest of non-knowledge it is advisable to make a move and find a way to get to clarify within oneself.

    The truth is within us, when we are born we are the custodians of a wealth of potential to be developed. Starting this journey is like an inner rebirth that brings peace, harmony, and solidity. This is why the individual who knows himself knows where to go.

  • Love yourself is never too late to find yourself

    Love yourself is never too late. If human growth were dictated by an innate and automatic system, all human beings would spontaneously find the path to self-realization. Human life does not follow the law of instinct alone and it is precisely for this reason that it becomes possible to get lost. Disorient and remain prisoners of boundless trauma and pain like storm surges that sweep away the beaches of serenity.

    The fragility with which we are woven is a thin thread that can break in the wound of a denied love. But it is also the possibility of being reborn as dewdrops that water the confused days of the past with hope. It is never too late to learn to love yourself and to take care of your soul. Waiting for a caress of comfort, words of reassurance, or a simple hug of warm love.

    Love yourself, hope, and serenity

    We can take the colors of hope and bring light back into the darkness within us. We can write down new lines of poetry in the diary of our days and start asking ourselves again where are the dawn of peace and the sunset of inner serenity.

    We can decide to shed tears of forgiveness in the furrows of a past steeped in resentment and resentment towards those who have mistreated us. To know that they too are lost souls in search of lost joy.

    We can go back to kneeling in the humility of sincere prayer. Even if our faith falters like the flame of a candle that risks extinguishing under the wind of doubt and unbelief. We can go back to running in the meadows kissed by the sun and by the scents that intoxicate the heart with wide breaths.

    We can decide that we truly deserve the chance to be happy and enjoy the journey of life, hunting for stars and an infinity that dwells within us. We can come back to ourselves with the desire to truly know ourselves and to know that it is never too late to love ourselves.

  • Married life is like a dance where you never stop learning

    Married life should be like a dance every single day, with different music and steps to be learned together. The real challenge of life is evolution, supporting the steps of personal and couple growth represents the art of always remaining in balance. Because it is only by moving that we can defeat the trap of immobility.

    There is no identical couple to the other because there are subjective dynamics that build a unique and inimitable melody. As each voice is different from the other, so two voices that come together in the song of love give life to a completely inimitable sound.

    What matters is not to avoid being out of tune, but to try to always maintain an intonation based on the desire to travel together in the lands where aspirations, needs, expectations, beliefs, and dreams are born. When you stop listening to the other, it is like losing contact with the map of affective navigation.

    Every woman, every man needs a caress, a smile, a hug, a simple gesture of welcome and recognition. Married life stops being such when the ardor of knowing others and understanding their paths of inner growth ceases.

    It is nice to fall in love but it is even more beautiful to stay in love for a lifetime. Knowing that love is like a fire that must be voluntarily fed by carrying one’s own wood every day.

    Married life, in the beginning, no one can know what awaits them

    What guarantees to be able to reach your destination is the ability to face the challenges of life for two. Where there is never a shortage of sudden thunderstorms, stormy storms, ruinous falls, and disappointments. How is it possible to continue to stay together, despite the fact that time can profoundly transform the couple’s initial identity?

    There may be multiple answers that many authors have investigated from different perspectives, but a certain fact is that the recipe for eternal happiness, in fact, does not exist. A healthy couple is not the one without problems, but the one who is capable of feeling deeply united beyond adversity. Because it is linked by values ​​that make it intimately anchored to the emotion and energy of the first kiss.

    Married life is like a dance where you never stop learning. And the last steps will be the most harmonious and light ones that with a last leap will overcome the narrow gates of time. To dive into the sky of infinite love, where there will be the dance of eternal love.

    Married Life Prayer

    Lord Jesus Christ, our God, you who have taught us to pray and bear the burdens for each other, so as to fulfill your commandments and be worthy of your mercy. For this I dare to pray to You, Lord, to remove every evil and every occasion of damage, visible and invisible, from my – husband – bride – with whom you have allowed me to live all the days of my life.

    Fill my spouse with health, spiritual gifts, wisdom, save him from all temptation, strengthen him in right faith and love so that he can always live surrounded by your grace and in peace because yours is the power, the kingdom, and the glory, forever and ever.

    Amen

  • Honor every day the courage within you

    Honor the courage that is within you every day. When one thinks of courage it is natural to imagine an immense and heroic strength like that of the warriors who fight. Of mythological heroes who face great trials or mothers who defend their children.

    In reality, it is not only necessary to be courageous to accomplish great deeds. But also to face emotions, situations, and thoughts that worry or frighten us.

    Personally, I believe that having courage means seeing a mountain in front of you and deciding not to stop, but to continue climbing. Along the way, being courageous means continuing to climb that mountain even when adversity makes the journey difficult.

    Having courage means choosing what is right and not what is easy

    Pursue your dreams and face fears, do not betray your ideals, and above all welcome all emotions including uncomfortable ones. There is immense strength within each of us, but too often we forget that we have this great resource and end up being trapped in the web of fear and victimhood.

    Here are some exercises to recognize and develop the courage present within each of you.

    The first exercise is to recognize and accept fear. There is nothing wrong with being afraid. You don’t have to reject fear and see it as an enemy. Your fears are a great opportunity because they allow you to celebrate your heroism.

    Take a sheet of paper and write down your fears

    It may seem trivial, but just writing your fears takes away their power. The next step is to think of a series of actions that can make your fears disappear. Start with the weaker ones, then move on to the others. For example, if you are afraid of dogs, start familiarizing yourself with the dog of an acquaintance of yours.

    No heroic gestures are needed, just small actions that can make you feel stronger. Once you have overcome even one fear, you will see that you will feel stronger and more courageous. At this stage, you can also ask the archangel Michael and of course your guardian angel for help. Knowing that they are close to you will immediately make you feel more courageous.

    The second exercise is to follow your dreams

    Being courageous also means taking the first step to achieving the much-desired life, change jobs, get out of a non-functional relationship, etc …

    Spend at least one hour a day to make your dream come true. Do not postpone yet, immediately begin to walk the path of change. You can start by writing down what you want to accomplish and the necessary steps. If you have any doubts about the actions to be taken, ask archangel Uriel for help who will show you the step to take.

    The third and final exercise is to recognize your strength and your greatness

    There is no failure, there are only results different from those expected. Often, what we call failure can turn into an opportunity.

    Go through your life and take note of everything you have accomplished. Above all, try to remember the journey made to achieve your goals and the courage and strength you showed on those occasions. Treasure past experiences and when you feel stuck in fear, remember those moments and take action.

    Recognize and honor the courage within you and remember that you are valiant simply by showing yourself to the world in all your beauty and uniqueness.

  • Extrasensory perception extends the limit of normality

    Extrasensory perception has always fascinated the imagination, and according to the era or culture it was seen as a sign of divinity, demonic possession, or disease. Only in recent decades has science recognized that some abilities, albeit latent, are inherent in man.

    Those who follow an evolutionary path await the manifestation of qualities considered superior, wishing to experience the expanded reality that derives from it. Sometimes, however, the tender gem of their presence is not recognized precisely because of what is expected, as the fullness of some capacities is so standardized – in the imagination – as to prevent the recognition of its intermediate expressions.

    It is like seeing a tree only with fruit or flowers, and not in winter when it is stripped of all ornaments. Lacking this recognition, you lack the ability to develop more quickly what is most desired.

    Anyone who notices its initial sprout has the happy opportunity to nourish it by observing its growth in full awareness. The awareness that allows this recognition is directly proportional to the awareness that one has towards all the manifestations of life. Within this process, on the other hand, there are involuntary attitudes that boycott what is sought with commitment and passion.

    Extrasensory perception extends the boundaries

    The fear that man has of the unknown and the uncontrollable is connected to his instinct for self-preservation. Normality is a rather arbitrary dividing line that delimits and separates the rational from the irrational, the acceptable from the unacceptable, the known from the unknown.

    Normality is like a field plowed and sown year after year, well guarded and fenced so that wild animals and weeds do not jeopardize the expected yield. The paranormal is everything that can be seen beyond the fence, as far as the eye can see, beyond the horizon.

    In reality, normality is Existence with its infinite myriad of transformations and differences, unpredictable developments, changes, and genetic modifications. What is usually defined as normal is a trivial and limited subset in the larger whole of the Whole.

    Extending the limit of the concept of normality becomes inevitable, at some point along the way, wanting to expand awareness and perception. The extrasensory perception can develop only if it is not considered extraneous and different from supposed normality.

    To do this, it is necessary to review those individual preconceptions about what is normal or abnormal, acceptable or unacceptable, true or false within one’s own experience. It cannot be simply an intellectual understanding, but rather a behavior in everyday life if we want to broaden the perception in reality and not in fantasy.

    Extrasensory perception accepting the differences in life

    Not accepting the differences of life and its manifestations as a normal and legitimate reality inhibits the expression of that diversity that you want to promote within yourself. Since man is one in himself and with the Whole, the projected fear returns as a reflex – in a game of interior and exterior mirrors – on every aspect of individual reality.

    Those who want to express their potential must deal with the atavistic fear of the unknown – unpredictable and with its consistency parameter, then continuously and constantly expanding the limits of acceptance. Limits masked by habit and personal beliefs, often supported by an irrefutable and perfectly consistent logic.

    Everything must be evaluated as an apparent, temporary, insubstantial, and susceptible to change aspect, in order not to lose the opportunity for greater experimentation and wisdom that Life always offers to those who rely on trust.

    Extend the boundary of perception

    The term perception indicates both the act and the effect of perceiving and is related to both the physical and mental aspects. It is an ambivalent word with multiple meanings, even if its use is particularly used in philosophy and physiology.

    Perception is given by stimuli mediated both by the five physical senses and by their corresponding subtle senses. Therefore it is the elaborated perception that defines the reality conceived by each.

  • Spiritual purification brings the faithful back to divine

    Spiritual purification in the religious sphere is the act by which a man cleanses himself, from what corrupts his soul, from what is considered sinful or harmful within the relationship of faith. In every religion, the concept of purification is of primary importance, as it brings the faithful back to divine grace.

    There are people who want to cleanse themselves through purification rituals, and not infrequently identical people are looking for new rituals. Almost as if the quantity of what is learned can improve the quality of what one is.

    It would be legitimate to ask ourselves whether this instance of purification derives from an authentic desire to become sacred and holy. Or else we only seek atonement for what conscience or morality deems harmful.

    Understanding why we approach purification, and in general, a ritual is useful to understand if we are within a devotional sphere, or a real desire to prepare for subsequent theurgical commitments.

    The spiritual purification we are talking about is not attributable to the religious sphere, it does not respond to the need to make amends by virtue of broken commandments. It is not spurred on by feelings of guilt, or even by moral precepts. But rather by a preparatory and indispensable act to be able to operate correctly and profitably.

    However, it is useful to deal briefly with purification in the religious sphere, since through the sign it left, we can go back to the substance of this rite. My experience leads me to identify at least six types of purification.

    The admissible purification

    Through which the one who wants to enter the new community undergoes spiritual purification. Aimed at freeing him of the legacy of the previous life, in such a way as to be acceptable in the new brotherhood, and to prevent it from being corrupted by something external.

    Luke 2:22 – When the time came for their purification according to the Law of Moses, they took the child to Jerusalem to offer him to the Lord.

    Then follows the purification of the things that are to be used for the fulfillment of a ritual, or of the places of the ritual. In order to free them from what has been collected in their handling from parts of impure, or to exorcise their material part, and thus make them useful and welcome in the rite.

    1Chronicles 23:28 – They depended on the sons of Aaron for temple service, presided over the courtyards, the rooms, the purification of all sacred things, and the temple service activity,

    2Maccabees 1:18 – Being we to celebrate the purification of the temple on the twenty-fifth of Casleu, we thought it necessary to give you some explanation, so that you too celebrate the feast of Booths and fire, which appeared when Nehemiah offered the sacrifices after the reconstruction of the ‘altar.

    Expiatory purification

    Then we have an expiatory purification through which the faithful offer a sacrifice or behave in order to balance what has been done previously and contrary to the dictates of the religious community to which he belongs.

    Ezekiel 43:22 – On the second day you will offer a flawless goat for sin and cleanse the altar as you did the bull.

    Ezekiel 43:23 After the rite of purification, you shall offer a bull without defects and a ram from the flock without defects.

    Numbers 19:13 – Anyone who has touched a corpse, that is, the body of a dead human person, and not purified, will have profaned the Lord’s Abode and will be exterminated by Israel. Since the purification water has not been sprinkled on him, he is in a state of garbage, he still has the garbage on him.

    Numbers 19:20 But he who becomes unclean will not purify himself, he will be eliminated from the community because he has defiled the sanctuary of the Lord and the water of purification has not been sprinkled on him; he is unclean.

    Preventive spiritual purification

    Another form is the preventive one – to which the crusaders underwent – of the one who knows that in order to pursue an aim of glory, he must still operate a relative evil.

    There is also the consecrative purification, addressed to the one who is included in the priestly hierarchy by the body of the faithful.

    The last example is the priestly purification, which is proper to the priest who must prepare to perform a rite.

    Obviously, there are then purification rituals strictly connected to the succession of the seasons, as they coincide with religious recurrences, or lunations, equinoxes, and solstices. There is the need to realign oneself to the astral change, or to prepare for other rituals of which purification is a previous and necessary act.

    If it is therefore intuitively clear that purification can be seen as the liberation of what is extraneous to the nature of what is purified. Making it therefore different from what it is in nature, one should not think that grasping the question in such a simple way would lead to underestimating its essentiality.

    Spiritual Purification does not tend, and cannot tend to make good and righteous, but rather to make pure and clear, what is not pure and clear. To make the concept even clearer is like digging in the sand in search of what is hidden there. Only when this is completed will we know what was hidden by the sand, and what we would have found may not even please.

  • Prejudice and stereotypes dictate what is acceptable

    Prejudice and stereotypes dictate the rules of what is acceptable and what is not, and thus mark what social groups expect of people. Prejudice and stereotypes are present in the cultural heritage of every individual and every social group. And they translate into concrete ways of thinking and behaviors that affect daily life in the form of attitudes, affirmations, competitions, trends, and conflicts.

    Specifically, stereotypes are gross simplifications and rigid representations of the reality with which each individual interacts on a daily basis. Prejudices are defined as erroneous or inaccurate judgments, formulated in a superficial way without any knowledge of the subject.

    Social groups are always threatened by what is different. Some common scenarios could see you on the edge of a social context due to a characteristic of yours not shared by the reference social group, due to prejudice or stereotype.

    This is the case of ethnic minorities, the most fragile categories are those of the lowest social-economic background. Unfortunately, today we still live in a society that is not very inclusive of diversity. Not only racial issues, but even gender bias can also be a reason for exclusion from a group.

    Prejudice and stereotypes – the expectations of the group

    Groups have expectations guided by your behavioral manifestations. If you’ve always held a certain role, the people you hang out with will expect you to keep doing it. If until now you’ve always been content with being the shoulder or being the hyper-accommodating person, this is what others will continue to expect from you.

    In other words, marginalization is something that feeds itself, if you have occupied a blurred position in the background of your social context, others will not want anything different from you.

    Your identity matters

    And it cannot ignore your personal history. Identity is what determines who you are, what you want, and where you are headed. To be heard, all you have to do is remind yourself who you are and consequently remind others as well.

    Working on your personal identity is the first step to remove the pain of social rejection. It is completely understandable to feel invisible when the people around you continually refuse to recognize who you are, what your feelings are, and what you need.

    Personal identity is the conception of who we are and how we relate to others. The positive thing is that personal identity is constantly evolving.

  • The Imagination welcomes the stimuli of the unconscious

    Imagination is not an illusory, fantastic and unrealistic aspect as some think. Imagination is the ability to mentally represent something that has been experienced – a concrete element, a thought, an emotion, a sensation, and intuition.

    In the mental image that is formed beyond the representation of what it refers to, there is also an unconscious emotional part. In the image, there is, therefore, a conscious part and an unconscious part that is integrated into a single whole. The image is the container of the two elements and at the same time the place of their meeting.

    The child who draws parents refers to his internal image. This reproduces how he perceived them on an ideational level, how he experiences them on an emotional level, the presence of fears, anguish, pleasure. And also unconscious aspects that he has grasped in their way of being and which are completely unknown to his ego and that of his parents.

    Imagination allows you to activate the symbolic capacity

    The capacity of – as if – establishes a bridge between concrete reality and the unconscious and which has a fundamental transformative function. Imagination is the possibility of welcoming the stimulations of the unconscious, irrational drives in a conscious context.

    The image thus becomes a container of something deeper that wants to appear. In the image
    takes a voice that has no voice
    form that which has no form
    space that which does not give space
    rhythm what has no time
    matter what has no matter
    body what is the only spirit

    Archetypes that are collective, innate, and unknowable tendencies also manifest themselves in the form of images. And specifically through a symbolic representation
    the fairy is the good mother
    the witch is the evil and destructive maternal
    the ogre is the bad paternal
    the child is the new element
    the old the wisdom
    and so on.

    In fact, the symbol embodies the image of the content that transcends the conscious. It is something mysterious, impossible to define, and understand because it is a unitary reality of conscious and unconscious and has the function of bringing about a profound transformation.

    Fairy tales, myths, and religions are in fact rich in symbols because they have the power to activate a radical change in personal and collective history. And because they refer to a broader, universal, and unconscious sense that cannot be fully explained.

    The man also produces symbols unconsciously and spontaneously in the form of dreams. Dreams are characterized by symbolic images that correspond to the words of the language of the unconscious. Dreams are the letters that the Self sends us every night to make us understand with its symbolic language who we really are. Where are we going wrong, what we need at that moment, what is the project and the mission we have inside, and how to make it happen.

    Nowadays, the image is used in a prevalent way

    Because advertising companies and consumer goods producers know well how effective it is in entering immediately and directly into the unconscious. They know that it has more power than written or verbal language and therefore use it to influence behavior when purchasing certain products. Or in setting collective and uniform ways of being that can be easily manipulated.

    All subjects with a weak ego and children who do not yet have a formed and autonomous ego are the ones who absorb these messages the most. Children in particular absorb the behaviors and ways of cartoon characters they identify with.

    The greater attention paid to the image that children and young people demonstrate does not only depend on their natural predisposition to unconscious contents but is also due to the need for irrational, emotional, and symbolic elements that are lacking in our society.

    Our society no longer has any reference to symbols, which have the important function of connecting us with the personal, collective unconscious, and with the spirit. It replaced the symbols in which more people found and recognized themselves, with consumer goods, visibility, social consensus and success, power and control.

    People have therefore lost their internal reference. And young people are as if they are looking for compensation in the images against a world that is too overrun by the concrete. From the rational, of a world that rejects and is terrified of problems, pain, and death because it is no longer able to find their meaning and significance.

    Educating your children in the imagination, therefore, means giving them the ability to recall inner images from within. And to be able to re-propose them with drawing, painting, sculpture, poetry, story, diary, dance, music, rhythm, song, sound.

    Imagination allows him to better defend himself from prefabricated and artificial images that come from the outside, but it also allows him to recognize himself and find his own way.